Stages Of a Girl's Life

Happy and twinkling eyes and hands welcoming the little angel into this world. First thing they prayed for her is good luck and fortune, in Urdu we say "Acha Naseeb". This Acha Naseeb/good luck prayer given by every single person welcoming her is the first step towards marking in BOLD LETTERS that the born baby is a GIRL. In case of boy you will rarely hear such prayers. 

In our South Asian society particularly Pakistan and India, generally girls are considered to be a liability more than blessing. This girl boy difference that was sown on day 1 and regularly watered and provided sunlight and air, slowly and gradually turns into a strong and big tree.

Raised up with this difference the time comes for HER schooling. Priority of parents for selecting a school for HER is where ONLY Girls are there. If by chance didn't get admission in such school then they get her admission in co-education system with a heavy heart as nowadays education is very important otherwise SHE will not get good proposals. Girls are not allowed by family to keep friendship with boys in her class. Which although is not possible, since studying together brings HER in contact with everyone without discrimination of gender. All are HER class fellows and some are really good friends. But HER family norms don't even allow HER to discuss boys class fellows as friends. 

When HER intermediate i.e. 12th grade is done, the biggest question arises. Should she get higher education and get admission in a high profile university. If parents are that liberal and understanding to say YES, someone older in the family comes up with  Why are you getting HER admitted in university? She is a girl, what would she do of higher education? ultimately she has to get married and take care of kids and do cooking n dishes, that's it. Why to waste time and money on her! After a great hussle and bussle she gets permission to study in university. Life becomes beautiful and dedicated.

In teenage, every girl goes through crushes. Sometimes film heroes, sometimes young teachers and sometimes classfellows lol. But due to family restrictions she keeps her feelings limited to herself, if any boy wanted to be in a relationship with her, she hesitates to give green signal. She maintains a good distance from other gender.

When SHE turns 20, she finds every second person talking about her marriage. Aunties, uncles, friends, neighbours and every second person bringing her proposals.

Life becomes uncertain for HER. Questions revolve in her mind, what will be her fate?would she be allowed to complete her university education? Would she be asked before fixing of marriage? How would be her soul partner? If she likes someone she don't get the courage to speak about it to her parents. Thus, relying on her fate as written by Almighty and decided by parents, she is asked for her consent just for formality purpose. Obviously, she says yes to her parents decision.  

If she gets good husband and in laws then also people in surroundings poke out negativities and try to discomfort her. And if really she gets a mismatch then her life becomes miserable. And it's just the beginning of miseries. 

After deciding everything for her, she is the one who is to be blamed for her fate. She is the one who hears people WITHIN and outside family gossiping like look at her husband how rude he is, look at her in laws how old fashioned they are, look at her sister in laws how cunning they are! Lol , after deciding everything by family and relatives SHE is the one who bears all such things of our society.

Compromising is what she has to do. If compromising doesn't work then she is the one who is never welcomed BACK by parents and siblings who decided her fate. 

Marriage creates a boundary between a girl and her parents. Within a day her 24 to 25 years (on average) that she spent with her parents becomes worthless. Her position and status changes in few moments. She is audited for everything. Parents give her money on occasions  (on Eid, on wedding of sibling, on birth of child, etc.) She is never welcomed in Family decisions. Generally hears from her paternals that give your statements and make decisions in your own home. 

If her husband don't bear child birth expenditure (due to any reason) she is the one who listens to statements like, it's their child they (in-laws/husband) should bear the expenditures and they should look after HER. 

I am simply clueless with such behaviour of parents in our society. SHE is YOUR daughter like your son , you gave birth to her, you raised her with all your love and affection, but what happens to your love and relationship when you send her to another home? Instead of increasing,as she departs from you, it brings so much difference in your attitude and dealing. For your daughter in laws ( the wives of your son) you are ready to spend, ready to hear, ready to give authority but in case of your own DAUGHTER you become so judgemental. This is the most bitter truth of our society. 

Now, the girl becomes a wife and a mother. She is in the most delicate and precious relations. She puts her heart and soul to do justice with all her relationships. If her husband is not financially sound, she works to support him in running house. And simultaneously fulfills all her household duties too. If she is in joint family then an additional responsibility she carries of looking after her in laws among which heavy responsibility is of mother in law and father in law. But she fulfills all with honesty and full responsibility and care. Now if she is lucky enough then she will be appreciated and if not then life becomes slowly and gradually a nightmare for her. 

Well, bringing up children in itself is a full-time job. She is the cook, teacher, driver, mentor, feeder, doctor, nurse thus everything for her children. 

She has raised respectable citizens and good humans for society. Children generally give credit to their mothers for their every success. But till they are single. After their marriage everyone is busy in their lives. But although SHE is getting older and weaker, Her works and responsibilities are increasing. She has to find best matches for her children. Get them married. Taking care of her grand children so that her daughter and daughter in law can do jobs. Thus so on and so forth, her never ending responsibilities goes on.

Time flies and She is physically weak and dependent now. Growing older and older. She needs more attention, care, time and rest. If she is lucky enough she gets some care and time in return which is though very rare. 

And in the other case she hardly gets care, love and time from her loved ones for whom she dedicated her whole life. Her eyes fills with tears remembering how much struggle and hardships she faced to nourish her relationships.

The children for whom she lived, now are waiting to get rid of her. As they don't have time and money to spend on this useless soul. Her sons fight on her responsibilities. Who will keep her and look after her and how long she will stay at one's house? These are the questions her sons and daughters discuss. Daughters are helpless generally in our society because of their in laws responsibilities and husband. They can't keep HER!  

Thus, after long and tiring discussions and fights. It's finally decided that SHE will stay two months at each son's house. She thinks twice before to complain about her pain, she thinks twice before asking for visiting a doctor, she thinks twice before asking for finished medicines, she thinks twice before eating fruits from fridge !! If she is hospitalised, she is not worried of her health, she is more worried if someone has came to see her, she is more worried when will her son take her back home? Will he or not !! 

Ahh!! What a fate SHE ends up with! 

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